My Testimony: From Darkness to New Life in Christ (Full Story)

I want to share my testimony. Not because I am proud of who I once was, but because I want people to know what Jesus Christ can do when He reaches into the darkest places of our lives. I know where I came from, I know what I was involved in, I know what I allowed into my life, and most importantly, I know what God brought me out of. Here is my story, and thanks be to God...

I was once a happy child. But somewhere along the way, I opened a door that I never should have opened: the door to witchcraft. What began as curiosity eventually became years of darkness that affected nearly every part of my life.

As a teenager, I became increasingly angry, especially toward the people closest to me. I struggled with explosive anger, extreme anxiety, intrusive thoughts, isolation, suicidal tendencies, self-harm, deep insecurities, self-hatred, and making decisions that only caused me more pain.

I remember being so angry because I felt like I had no control over my life or over circumstances that were never within anyone's control to begin with. I had very little self-control, and I took that frustration out on the people I loved. There was tremendous family discord during those years. (The devil still tries to bring me down with to make me feel the guilt of my words and how I made my loving mother felt from time to time because he knows it sickens me)

But God intervened.

He saw how bad everything had gotten because of me. He saw what was happening within my family. My parents are a son and daughter of Christ, and even though I had rebelled, God saw what was happening, heard their prayers, and intervened. He made a way for my mother and me to rekindle our relationship and begin building our relationship again from there. My parents are born again believers and children of Christ themselves, and even when I rebelled, they never stopped praying for me.

But even with God beginning to intervene in my family, I still continued down the path I had chosen.

I became fascinated with what is now commonly called "new age: white magic." At the time, I believed it was different from what I considered "dark" magic. I thought white magic was harmless. I believed it would not have consequences. I thought I had found a way to have some type of control.

I learned that I could supposedly obtain this control through what I believed was "the power of the (false) gods and goddesses." And because I was deceived, I was okay with it. I believed that white magic had no consequences. But I was wrong. I was being deceived by the enemy while he laughed and danced. And while I thought I was gaining control, I was actually being pulled deeper into darkness.

I was tortured mentally. That mental torment eventually led to all the self-harm, extreme insecurities, stupid decisions, self-hate, and so many other things. I was struggling deeply, but for a while, I still didn't understand why. I didn't fully understand what was happening to me. I was blinded.

And instead of stopping, I just continued. Smart, right? Lol. I continued my studies of darkness from around the age of 14 all the way to 27 years old. I had journals filled with dark knowledge and had my own "book of shadows" filled with herbal potions and spells. My family never approved of what I was doing. They never encouraged it. They never supported it. Much of what I did was done on the down low because I knew they would not approve.

But while I was secretly continuing down this path, my family was praying for me. They were calling on as many prayer warriors as possible to pray for me to come out of this dark cloud. They were praying while I was wandering. They were praying while I was rebelling. They were praying while I was studying things I should never have been studying. They were praying while I was becoming someone I wasn't meant to be, claiming the title of a wiccan new-age witch. I had a foundation built on Jesus. I was raised in a Christian household. I knew about God. I knew about Jesus. I had been taught the truth. But for whatever reason, I rebelled. I had a foundation, but I chose to walk away from it. And yet, God never stopped pursuing me. It reminds me of the prodigal son parable in the book of Luke.

Now the story gets even better...

Two years ago, I finally surrendered. I gave my life to Christ in my apartment at the time, on the floor, completely broken down and like a basket case. I had reached a point where I knew I couldn't keep doing things my way. I couldn't save myself. I couldn't fix myself. I needed Jesus. And then something happened after that day that I will never forget. One Sunday morning, I was standing in the pew during the singing of a hymn. I don't remember what hymn we were singing, but I remember looking over at my mom, next to me. And when it happened, I felt a wave of electric tingling move through my body. Then suddenly, I felt heat. And after that came a total peace that I cannot fully explain. Like being completely wrapped in a hug of peace, like in the Arms of Jesus but in this case it'd be the Holy Spirit.

I believe the Holy Spirit entered me in that moment. I had spent years fascinated with supernatural things and searching for something beyond myself in the wrong places. But then I encountered the real presence of God. The real Spirit. The real peace. The real truth. And it wasn't something I had manufactured. It wasn't something I had learned through witchcraft. It wasn't something I had discovered through the "gods and goddesses" I had once believed in. It was the Holy Spirit.

After surrendering my life to Christ, I began thinking about baptism. I pondered baptism for approximately two or three weeks. I had already been baptized once before as a teenager. But I knew something in my heart.. I knew that my first baptism had been because I was told to do it. It wasn't because my heart had genuinely surrendered to Jesus. I hadn't truly been transformed. I had gotten baptized, but I knew that spiritually, I had simply gotten wet. I knew the difference.

So I wrestled with whether I should do it again. Then the day came when I finally decided that I needed to. When I brought it up, I was challenged by the devil through my peers not to do it. I was told that I didn't need to be baptized a second time because "we can only have one baptism." But I challenged that back. I said, "But what about the Scripture about if it wasn't a real baptism, I just got wet?" And God was there too, another peer reassured my own conviction and told me that yes, I needed to do it if the first time wasn't genuine. After I heard that, something snapped in me. I tunnel visioned the water. I politely made my way through the crowd. And I walked straight toward the baptistry. I felt unstoppable.

I already knew what I needed to do. And on August 4, 2024, I was baptized. That day was not just another day. That day I was really spiritually transformed. It wasn't the water, it was the first choice towards the will of God that well pleases Him. It was the first step towards obedience. It was receiving the free gift of salvation. That day I was adopted into the Kingdom of God. That day I was written in the Book of Life. And that day, the devil lost another one.

Since then, I have been on fire for the Lord. The person who once spent years studying darkness became fascinated with the Bible and God's wisdom. I began studying the Word of God daily, from the time I got up in the morning until the time I went to bed. I wanted to learn. I wanted to understand. I wanted to know what God's Word actually said. Those who seek will find Him. I would carry my Bible around with me everywhere just so I could open it whenever I wanted and learn and feed off the Word of God.

I couldn't stop talking about Jesus. I couldn't stop talking about what the Holy Spirit was revealing to me. The same person who once couldn't stop studying darkness couldn't stop studying the Bible. The same person who once talked about false gods and goddesses couldn't stop talking about the one true God and His Son, Jesus Christ. And then the Lord sat me in the seat of a teacher for the ladies' Bible study class at my church. That alone amazes me. Because God took someone who had spent years going in the wrong direction and gave her an opportunity to teach other women about His Word.

But He wasn't finished. The Lord also took away so many of my insecurities and so much of my anxiety that I became a social butterfly. I was no longer the isolated person I had been. I was no longer constantly controlled by the anxiety and insecurities that had dictated so much of my life. And He did something else. He answered some prayers of the congregation at my local church and made a way for us to start a praise team. And now I sing in it fearlessly. Anyone who knew me growing up knows how incredible that is. I hated singing in front of people. I would never sing on the spot. I had awkward stage fright. You could put a microphone to my face and I would freeze. I couldn't even talk into a microphone with ease. But these days, you can find me singing with the praise team at my local church. And not only am I singing, but I can actually talk into the mic with ease during practice.

Hallelujah. That is not who I used to be. That is something God changed. I began noticing this push inside me from the Holy Spirit to pursue these opportunities and take a bold step of faith to make them a reality so that I could glorify Him. And what makes this even more powerful is that these are things I had insecurities about in the past. These were areas where I had been in agreement in with the devil. I had agreed with the lie that I couldn't do it. I had agreed with the lie that I wasn't good enough. I had agreed with the lie that I shouldn't even try. And if I did try, I thought it would somehow be vanity.

I believed those lies. But GOD showed me something completely different.

Talk about a 360-degree flip. The person who once hid is now willing to stand up. The person who once couldn't speak into a microphone can now speak into one. The person who used to hide her face in all her pictures now show's her entire face and is happy with it. The person who once wouldn't sing in front of people is now singing praises to Jesus with a microphone. The person who once studied darkness now studies the light. The person who once isolated herself now fellowships with God's people. The person who once struggled with extreme insecurities now takes bold steps of faith. The person who once lived in agreement with lies now desires to live in agreement with truth. And today, I am in agreement with no one but the faithful and true God of all and His only begotten Son, Jesus Christ, who is my Lord and Savior forever.

I am covered and protected by His precious blood. The devil cannot touch me anymore. I have zero interest in looking back at my old ways. I don't want to go back. I don't want the darkness back. I don't want the deception back. I don't want the false sense of control back. I don't want the old life back. The old me is dead and gone. I am now a new creature in Christ. And my desire now is to point people toward the truth. I want to point people toward the real hope, real healing. I want people to know that what the world offers may seem like an answer for a moment, but it cannot compare to the eternal hope and healing found in Jesus Christ that is not temporary.

I know what it is like to search for control. I know what it is like to be deceived. I know what it is like to live with extreme anxiety, intrusive thoughts, isolation, anger, insecurity, self-hate, and suicidal tendencies. I know what it is like to hurt myself. I know what it is like to make stupid decisions because of those insecurities. I know what it is like to spend years studying darkness while believing I was somehow finding answers. I know what it is like to rebel even though you were raised with a foundation in Christ. I know what it is like to hurt your family. I know what it is like to have family relationships fall apart because of the person you have become. But I also know what it is like for God to intervene.

I know what it is like for Him to restore relationships. I know what it is like for Him to answer the prayers of a praying family. I know what it is like to surrender completely. I know what it is like to experience His peace. I know what it is like to be transformed. I know what it is like to go from studying darkness to studying the Word of God every single day. I know what it is like to go from isolation to fellowship. I know what it is like to go from insecurity to boldness. I know what it is like to go from being unable to speak into a microphone to standing with one in my hand and praising Jesus.

And I know what it is like to finally realize that the control I was desperately searching for was never going to be found in darkness. My hope was never there. My healing was never there. My freedom was never there. My salvation was never there. Jesus was always the answer.

God had been there the entire time. He was there when I was a happy child. He was there when I became an angry teenager. He was there when I opened that door. He was there through the family discourse. He was there through the suicidal tendencies. He was there through the intrusive thoughts. He was there through the anxiety. He was there through the isolation. He was there through the anger. He was there through the self-harm. He was there through my insecurities. He was there through my stupid decisions. He was there through my self-hate. He was there through the years of studying darkness. He was there while my family prayed. He was there when my mother and I began rebuilding our relationship. He was there when I surrendered on the floor of my apartment. He was there in that pew. He was there when I felt the tingling. He was there in the heat. He was there in the peace. He was there when I wrestled with baptism. He was there when I walked toward that baptistry. And He was there on August 4, 2024, when I went down into that water. He was there when I came out. And He has been there every day since.

The old me is dead. I don't want her back. I don't want to look back. I want to move forward with Christ. I want to learn His Word. I want to teach His Word. I want to sing His praises. I want to serve Him. I want to glorify Him. I want to point people to Him. Because I know the difference between the darkness I once followed and the Light I now walk in. I know the difference between deception and truth. I know the difference between temporary things and eternal hope. And I know the difference between simply getting wet and actually surrendering your life to Jesus Christ.

I was lost. But Jesus found me. I was deceived. But Jesus revealed the truth. I was broken. But Jesus restored me. I was angry. But Jesus taught me peace. I was isolated. But Jesus gave me fellowship. I was insecure. But Jesus gave me boldness. I was searching for control. But Jesus taught me surrender. I was fascinated with darkness. But Jesus gave me a hunger for His Word. I was walking away from God. But God never walked away from me. 

And today, I can say with my whole heart: Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior. I am His. My life belongs to Him. My future belongs to Him. My gifts belong to Him. My voice belongs to Him. My testimony belongs to Him. And whatever He chooses to do through me, I want it to be for His glory. I don't want to glorify my past. I want to glorify the God who brought me out of it. I don't want people looking at me and thinking I'm the answer. I want them looking at Jesus. Because I didn't save myself. Jesus saved me. I didn't transform myself. Jesus transformed me. I didn't free myself. Jesus set me free. And I will continue to point people toward the truth, the real hope, and the real healing that is eternal... not temporary.

The devil lost another one on August 4, 2024. And I intend to spend the rest of my life making sure my life points back to the One who won me back. The old me is dead and gone. I am a new creature in Christ. I belong to Jesus. Stay with the Lord. And to God be all the glory.

in Jesus name, Amen.

- Kristan Martin